The time is rapidly approaching to where I won't be able to put off deciding if I am still going to go attempt my second challenge I set myself of climbing Mt.Kilimanjaro this year. There is quite a lot of disquiet and concern from members of my family and friends.More are now voicing their concerns over the timing of my challenge to climb in 2012.
I truly understand where their worries are coming from, in all honesty I haven't had the best of health, in fact it has been more than a little poor in the last 12 months, and this has only started improving in very recent weeks, and only after I made the decision to stop the cancer prevention drug 3 years early. So I am feeling what seems like daily improvements in the last 7 weeks or so. However I'm been quietly urged to delay my Mt.Kilimanjaro climb as it is felt it is far too soon in my road to recovery for me to be attempting it.
I have said the real tester for me is in fact the Yorkshire 3 peak challenge that will take place in 2 weeks this coming Saturday. This walk will give me a clearer indication as to how much more work I need to get a level of fitness and stamina I think I'll need for my epic self-set challenge. You may wonder why it is an issue, and the answer is I still suffer from fatigue,and I struggle to reign myself in and not to overdo it. I know it is a big ask of myself after the year I've had, especially the 6 months where not only I couldn't go to the gym, I was struggling to get myself out of bed, and even more distressing was the fact I was really struggling to dress myself. Not an easy thing to live with at 44 years of age. So although I feel like I'm coming on leaps and bounds, I know how far I've been knocked back by the last 12 months.
It for me is a really hard choice, if I'm been logical, the best course of action would be to delay my climb and give myself a few extra months to build my fitness and stamina back up. However, I am struggling with this, even though I would only have to delay until between Jan - mid March, it still feels a lot like failure to me. When I think back to 2010 when I set these challenges for myself, when my body and health were at their weakest, not doing this challenge never once entered my head, it was the challenges that motivated and drove me to get out there and pound the miles. It was a really hard slog to get going after the invasive treatments and pneumonia,but slog it I did.
You may think, what's your issue, it's only a delay of a few months, but for me it's the psychological barrier of 2012 verses 2013, even if it is Jan 2013, it's still a year later. I really don't know if anyone else will still be coming on this climb with me, many have dropped by the wayside. It was never a major concern to me, I set myself the Mt.Kilimanjaro climb and I'm comfortable going on my own, after all it is my personal challenge.
I guess I have to hope when the time comes, that I remain honest and true to myself and make the decision based on whether I truly believe I can achieve it this year or not. And if the truth is I think I will struggle to reach the summit by going ahead this year, I will have to delay and try really hard not to consider it a failure. Either way, I have to be able to live with my decision, because standing at the summit on the "Roof of Africa" is the only outcome I will accept.
Until next time
Tracy
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